Unheard of side effects of Jack Daniels

Just when you thought the Dog Pound Rock was the most embarrassing thing to come out of Starkville in recent memory, consider the debate about 7 day a week alcohol sales in Starkville which spawned an absurd one-liner like this:

Also against seven-day sales was Al Turner, who feared a rise in the number of gang rapes and other crimes.

“I know that Jack, Hennessy and Crown will make you do that,” he said.

Wait... what?

As quite the connoisseur of Mr. Daniel's wares, I'm struggling to remember the last gang rape I participated in. I'll grant you things get a little hazy from all the other crimes I commit in my Jack Daniels and Crown Royal induced rages, but still, I think I would remember participating in a gang rape. Maybe they should only legalize sales of Ketel One, Maker' Mark, and Johnnie Walker. Or do they have criminal side effects too?

I know If I had to spend any amount of time in Starkville, mass quantities of alcohol would be required for mere survival. But it did get to me thinking, and I looked at the label on my bottle of Jack at the house and, sure enough, right there on the label:Maybe next time I'll be more careful.